누군갈맘에들여놓기가,,,,,겁이나,,,

이별증후군,,,,,

남들다하는이별증후군,,해볼건다해봤고,,

슬퍼했고,,울어봤고,,술에쩔어봤고,,또,,,,,,,,

다른사람을만난다는거,,

솔직히별생각없었는데,,정말이지,,

그건맘처럼쉽게안돼는것같애,,

여기저기서사람소개받고,,만나보고,,술마시고,,드라이브하고,,

같이웃어가며,,가벼운스퀸쉽이나,,터치에도,,

깜짝놀라거나,,,,아님,,터무니없는긴장감도없는거,,,,

설레임이라고해야하나,,,,그런게없는거,,,,

6년을만나오면서,,,,가벼운뽀뽀하나에도정말이지,,,심장이터져버릴것같았는데,,

한여름에흰옷을입고환한웃음을지으면서,,나한테손을흔들던너,,,,,,

정말이지,,,하늘에서내려온천사같았어,,,

다른사람한테마음을준다는것도무섭고,,

또버림받고,,,이기적이겠지만,,내가상처받을까봐,,,

넌,,그여자하고어떻게지낼까,,

첨엔많이가슴아프던데,,,,그래서이리저리사람을만나봐도,,

니생각이더나는거,,,,,

캔커피하나를건내는모습하나에도,,

캔커피더럽다고한모금마시고나한테내밀던너라서,,

하루웬종일,,,집에있을때보다 다른사람을만나면만날수록,,

니생각,,니기억,,이 더또렷해져서,,,,

처음만났던사람도,,,내이별을몰랐던사람도,,

참슬퍼보인다고,,,,즐겁게해주고싶다고,,,웃게해주고싶다고,,,,,

내얼굴이그렇게슬퍼보였나,,,,거울을봐도,,모르겠는데,,몰랐는데,,

난참밝은아이인데...그랬었나??할정도로,,,,너무힘들고외롭고,,,

아무손이나붙잡을까해서만나는사람도,,,,

내맘은허락칠않네,,,,

술먹고너한테전화할까봐,,,,내심조바심나는거,,넌알까모르겠네,,,

근데,,,,안해찌,,대견하지??

,,,,,

내맘속,,내옆자리,,,비워두는게,,그러는게,,나을것같아,,

니가다시돌아오면,,돌아와서,,내옆에누가있으면,,넌못올까봐,,,,,,

한달내내술을마시면서,,,술취한적도없고,,필름끊긴적도없었는데,,,

꿈에니여친이나타나서나한테물을얼굴에뿌리더라,,

나도,,참기힘들었는지,,음료수를부으면서,,

그렇게겁이나냐고니사람하나못붙잡아서나한테이래야하냐고,,

커피숍을나와선엄청울었는데,,

잠에서깨보니베게가다젖어있더라,,,,

담날집에서삼겹살에소주를먹는데,,갑자기터져나온울음때문에,,

집에서뛰쳐나오면서,,,,한시간필름이끊겼어,,,

너한테혹시나전화했을까봐전화기를뒤지는내모습이,,,,

그런내모습이,,,,,그러면서,,정말,,,헤어졌구나,,,,

니가지금옆에둔그여친이알면가슴아플거니까,,그럴거니까,,

참는내모습이,,,,,

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내가지치기전에,,,,내맘에,,내옆자리에누군갈들여놓기전에,,,,,

돌아와줄수있겠어???

나,,,,,너없인아무것도못하겠어,,,,,,

사랑한단말,,그렇게아끼고아꼈는데,,,,,,,,

사랑했단말도,,,정말,,,사랑했단말도못해주고,,,,,미안해,,,,

너도,,,나처럼아플까,,,,,,,,,

우리,,,,,정말헤어진거,,,,맞지??

난아직뫼비우스띠라는거..믿어,,,,,,