♥

"하루는 학교 갔다와서 엄마방에 들어갔는데

엄마가 죽은 듯이 누워있는거야.

멀리서 잠자코 쳐다보고 있었어. 우선은.

근데 엄마가 십분이 지나도 이십분이 지나도 계속 그 상태로

누워서 일어나지 않는 거야. 뒤척이지도 않고.

정말 죽은 사람 처럼."

"그래서."

"가까이 가 봤지. 코 앞에서 내려다봤어. 숨도 쉬지 않는 것 같았어. 그래서 생각했지. 울 엄마 죽은 걸까. 눈물이 나려는데 엄마가 눈을 번쩍 떴어. 그리곤 일어나서 방을 나가더니 점심을 차려서 다시 돌아왔지. 숟가락을 내 손에 쥐어주면서 그 일에 대해선 아무 설명도 안해줬어."

"넌 왜 안 물어봤는데?"

"왠지 물어보면 안 될 것 같은 생각이 들어서."

"으응."

"그리고 다음주 그 요일에. 또 그 다음주 그 요일에.

또 그런식이였어. 죽은 사람 처럼 꼼짝도 없이 누워서

내 시선을 받아내고 있었어. 그런데 네번째 인가 다섯번째

인가 그날은 점심을 밥 대신 국수를 먹었거든. 내 생일였어.

오래 살아야 된다면서 엄마가 이번엔 숟가락 대신 젓가락을

쥐여줬어. 막 국수를 한 가닥 끌어올렸는데 엄마가 그랬어.

궁금하지 않냐고. 왜 그러고 있는 건지. 사실 그때는 별로

궁금하지 않았지만 사소한 걸로 싸우기 싫으니까 어. 말해줘.

그랬지. 그러니까 엄마가 그래. 죽는 연습 하는 거라고.

만약에 어느날 갑자기. 또 어떤 이유로. 그렇게 느닷없이

엄마가 죽어버릴 수도 있으니까 나를

단련시키는 연습을 하는 거라고."

"그래서 넌 뭐라고 했는데."

"아. 그렇구나."

"그게..다야?"

"엄마도 대수롭지 않게 말했으니까. 그랬는데 내가 막 여름방학 하던 날이였나봐. 그 날도 엄마는 연습을 하고 있었거든.

그 쓸데없는 연습. 방해하지 않으려고 점심 안 먹어도 돼. 오늘.

그러고 방에 들어가서 좀 놀다가 왔는데 그때 까지도 엄마는

연습중이였어. 그래서 이번엔 나가서 놀다가 들어왔는데

그때도 엄마는 그 상태 그대로 였어. 다음 날 자고 일어나서

방에 들어갔을 때도 그대로 인 엄마를 보고야 알았어. 이번엔 연습이 아니네. "

여전히 수잔과 남자는 걷고 있다. 느릿느릿 말하던 수잔의 고개는 지루한 듯 떨어진다. 마치 남의 얘기를 하고 있다는 듯이.

"그런데 효력이 있더라고. 별로 슬프지 않았어.

난 단단해져서. 벌써."

"응."

"그러니까 우리 헤어지자."

우뚝 멈추어서지도 불쑥 끊겨버리지도 않는다.

그대로 흐르고 있다.

이 노곤하고 잔잔한 기류. 남자가 고갤 돌려 웃었다.

아니 우는 걸까.

"훈련시키는 거냐. 나?"

"응. 그러니까 늘 긴장하고 있어.

언젠가 진짜 헤어지는 날이 와도 슬프지 않게."   <STYLE type=text/css>a:link { text-decoration: none; } a:visited { text-decoration: none; }a:active { text-decoration: none; }a:hover { text-decoration: none; }@font-face { font-family:산돌종이학체; src:url(http://cyimg13.cyworld.nate.com/common/file_down.asp?redirect=%2Fp41401%2F2006%2F5%2F9%2F71%2FCY21727%5F10%2Esan) };body,table,tr,td,select,input,div,form,textarea,font{font-family:산돌종이학체; font-size=10pt;} td.bd{color:#ff1493}A:link {text-decoration: none; color:#ff1493}A:visited {text-decoration: none; color:#ff1493}A:hover{ color:pink; background:pink; text-decoration:underline overline;} <STYLE type=text/css>a:link { text-decoration: none; } a:visited { text-decoration: none; }a:active { text-decoration: none; }a:hover { text-decoration: none; }@font-face { font-family:산돌종이학체; src:url(http://cyimg13.cyworld.nate.com/common/file_down.asp?redirect=%2Fp41401%2F2006%2F5%2F9%2F71%2FCY21727%5F10%2Esan) };body,table,tr,td,select,input,div,form,textarea,font{font-family:산돌종이학체; 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