뉴문 Part 2 | 네이트 판

maya · 2010-07-21T21:42:37+09:00

OCTOBER NOVEMBER DECEMBER JANUARY WAKING UP Time passes. Even when it seems impossible. Even when each tick of the second hand aches like the pulse of blood behind a bruise. It pass unevenly, in strange lurches and dragging lulls, but pass it does. Even for me. FRIENDS Jacob reached out and took my hand firmly, wrapping his other hand around my wrist when I tried to pull away again. Where did he get the confidence from? “ Now, just hold on a minute, Bella” he said in a calm voice “ Tell me something “ I grimaced. I didn’t want to do this. Not just not now, but not ever. “ What? “ I muttered sourly “ You like me, right?” “ You know I do” “ Better than any of the other guys you know? “ “ Better than the girls , too” “ That’s okay, you know. As long as you like me the best. And you think I’m good-looking- sort of. I’m prepared to be annoyingly persistent “ “ I’m not going to change” “ It’s still the other one, isn’t it? “ I cringed. Funny how he seemed to know not to say the name. “ You don’t have to talk about it” he told me. “ But don’t get mad at me for hanging around, okay? Because I’m not giving up. I’ve got loads of time” “ You shouldn’t waste it on me” I said, though I wanted him to. “ It’s what I want to do, as long as you still like to be with me” “ I can’t imagine how I could not like being with you “ I told him honestly. “ I can live with that” “ Just don’t expect more “ I warned him. “ What’s the problem?” “ The problem, is that it means something different to me than it does to you” “ Well, That’s my problem, isn’t it? “ “Fine” I grumbled “ There’s something I want to tell you, Bella..But I think it’s going to sound kind of corny” “ Go ahead” I sighted “ It’s just that, I know how you’re unhappy a lot. And, maybe it doesn’t help anything, but I wanted you to know that I’m always here. I wont ever let you down- I promise that you can always count on me. Wow, that does sound corny But you know that, right? That I would never, ever hurt you?” “ Yeah, Jake. I know that. And I already do count on you, probably more than you know” I hadn’t said one word that was a lie, but I should have lied. Heaven know I had never wanted to use Jacob, but I couldn’t. I’s been broken beyond repair. But I needed Jacob now, needed him like a drug. Mike stumbled out of the bathroom, his face ashen and covered in sweet. He looked horrible. “ Do you mind leaving early?” he whispered. “ No, of course not” “Movie too much for you? “ Jacob asked heartlessly. “I didn’t actually see any of it, I was nauseated before the lights went down” “ Oh, Please. “ was all Jacob said. “ Jake, You must have a fever or something “ I grumbled. I touched my finger to his forehead, and his head was hot. “ Whoa, Jake- you’re burning up! “ “ I feel fine. Fit as a fiddle. Your hands are like lice “ he complained “ Maybe it’s me” I allowed THE MEADOW Jacob didn’t call. The first time I called, Billy answered and told me that Jacob was still in bed. I stopped in front of Jacob’s house, killing the motor and rolling down the window. “ What are you doing here, Bella? “ Jacob growled. I stared at him in blank astonishment. Jacob had changed radically in the last weeks since I’d seem him. His beautiful hair was all gone, cropped quite short, his neck and his shoulder were different, too, thicker somehow. “Jacob ? “ “ What do you want? “ Jacob demanded “ I want to talk to you “ “ Let’s get this over with “ he said in a hard, husky voice. “ It’ not what you think. It’s not what I thought-I was off “ his voice was abruptly weary “ So what is it, then? “ “ I can’t tell you” “ I thought we were friends” “ We were “ “ I didn’t understand. Is Sam catching ? What did he to you?” “ He’s helping me as much as he can. Stop blaming Sam” “ Jacob, please. Won’t you tell me what happened?” “ You don’t want to here that” “ I want to know now” “ You’re wrong” he snapped back “ You ask for it, If you want to blame someone, why don’t you point your finger at those filthy, reeking bloodsuckers that you love so much? “ My mouth fell open and my breath came out with a whooshing sound. I was frozen. “ I told you that you didn’t want to here it “ he said “ I don’t understand who you mean “ I whispered. “ I think you understand exactly who I mean! You’re not going to make me say it, are you? I don’t like hurting you” “ I don’t understand who you mean” I repeated mechanically. “ The Cullens! I saw that- I can see in your eyes what it does to you when I say their name” “………..Jake” “ Go home, Bella. I can’t hang out with you anymore” “ Jake. You promised. I need you” “ I’m sorry ,Bella.” “ I’m sorry that I couldn’t..before..I wish I could change how I feel about you, Jacob” “ Maybe, if you gave me some time..just don’t quit on me now, Jake . I can’t take it “ “ No, Don’t think like that, Bella. Don’t blame yourself, This one is all me. I swear, it’s not about you” “ It’s not you, it’s me “ I whispered “ I mean it, Bella. I’m not …good enough to be your friend anymore, or anything else. I’m not what I was before. I’m not good” “ Jake-don’t!” “ I’m sorry, Bella” The sense of unease grew stronger the deeper I got into the trees. Breathing started to get more difficult-not because of exertion, but because I was having trouble with the stupid hole in my chest again. It was the same place, of that I was instantly sure. I’d never seen another clearing so symmetrical. It was a perfectly round as if someone had intentionally created the flawless circle, tearing out the trees but leaving no evidence of that violence in the waving grass. It was the same place …but it didn’t hold what I had been searching for . At least I’d come alone. Alone. I repeated the word with grim satisfaction as I wrenched myself to my feet despite the pain. At precisely that moment, a figure stepped out from the trees to the north, some thirty paced away. Next was fear; this was not the face I grieved for, but it was close enough for me to know that the man facing me was no stray hiker. And finally, in the end, recognition. “ Laurent!” “ Bella? I didn’t expect to see you here “ He strolled toward me “ When I found the Cullen place empty, I thought they’d moved on” “ Oh..” I bit my lip " They did moved on” “ Hmm, I’m surprised they left you behind. Weren’t you sort of a pet of theirs? “ “ Something like that “ “ Do they visit often ? “ he asked, still casual, ‘ Lie,’ the beautiful velvet voice whispered anxiously from my memory. “ Now and again. The time seems longer to me, I imagine. You know how they get distracted “ “ Hmm, The house smelled like it had been vacant for a while…” ‘ You must lie better than that, Bella ‘ the voice urged. “ I’ll have to mention to Carlisle that you stopped by. He’ll be sorry they missed your visit. But I probably shouldn’t mention it to..Edwerd, I suppose-“ I barely managed to say his name “he has such a temper..well, I’m sure you remember. He’s still touchy about the whole James thing” “ I actually came here as a favor to Victoria She thought it more appropriate to kill you than Edwerd-fair turn-about, mate for mate. She asked me to get the lay of the land for her, so to speak. So maybe her plan was flawed-apparently it wouldn’t be the revenge she imagined, since you must not mean very much to him if he left you here unprotected” “ Then why not wait for her? “ I choked out “ Bella, I didn’t come to this place on Victoria’s mission-I was hunting. I’m quite thirsty, and you do smell…simply mouthwatering “ “ He’ll know it was you” “ I’ll be very quick. You won’t feel a thing, I promise” Edwerd I was going to die. ‘ Edwerd, I love you’. INTRUDER “ Bella!” it hissed “ I came to apologize. I…I’m sorry, Bella.” “ I don’t want apologies from you. Jake” “ I know, But I couldn’t leave things the way I did this afternoon. That was horrible. I’m sorry” “ I don’t understand anything” “ I know. I want to explain-…But I can’t explain “ he said, still angry “ I wish I could” “ Why? “ “ Look, Bella, haven’t you ever had a secret that you couldn’t tell anyone?. Something you felt like you had to keep from Charlie, from your mom? Something you won’t even talk about with me? Not even now?” he pressed. “ can you understand that I might have the same kind of..situation? “ He was struggling again “ Sometimes, loyalty gets in the way of what you want to do. Sometimes, it’s not your secret to tell” “I don’t know why you came here, Jacob, if you were just going to give me riddles instead of answers” “ I’m sorry. This is so frustrating. The part that kills me, Is that you already know. I already told you everything!” “ What are you talking about?” “ I think I see a way to make this work out-because you know this, Bella! “ “ What?” “ remember the first day we met –on the beach in La Push?” “ I do” “ Tell me about it” “ You told me scary stories…Quileute legends” “ Yes. Do you remember all the stories? if you guess it ,That would me to right off the hook” “ All the stories?” “Do you mind if I ask you a question about that? “ “ About what?” “About the vampire story I told you” I stared at him “ Did you honestly not know? Was I the one who told you what he was? See what I meant about loyalty? “ he murmured “ isn’t there any way for you to get free? “ No. I’m in this for life. A life sentence..Longer, maybe “ “ No, Jake. What if we ran away? Just you and me. “ “ It’s not something I can run away from, Bella. ……I would run with you, though, if I could” he took a deep breath “ Look, I’ve got to leave” “I hate them “ “ No, Bella. Don’t hate the guys. I told you before-it’s me...” he whispered “ I wouldn’t have come . But Bella, I made you a promise. I had no idea it would be so hard to keep but that doesn’t mean I’m not going to tr. , I’m trying to keep…my promise!. I promise you that I wouldn’t ever hurt you… “ “………………” “ It would really help if you could figure this out on your own, Bella. Put some honest effort into it” “ I’ll try” He stood and headed for the window. “ Jacob, don’t. You’ll break your leg “ “ I won’t get hurt “

OCTOBER

NOVEMBER

DECEMBER

JANUARY

WAKING UP