지금으로부터7년전1996년11월어느날이었습니다!그녀와내가만난날이~~!!20여년을혼자지내다보니외롭더군요~~!!지금제나이는27세7년전이었으니까~!!20살사회초년생이었지요~~!!저는제친구중에여자친구가제일많은친구넘을졸라서그녀를만나게되었습니다~~!!사실안믿을지는모르겠지만저는중학교,고등학교때에도미팅한번안나갔구요~~!여자손한번잡아보지못했습니다~~!!미팅빵구나게생겼다고땜빵좀서달라고(데신나가달라고는여러번있었습니다~~!!)미팅땜빵나가는것도얼굴이좀되야나가는거아닙니까??제가생긴건좀되거든요~~!!(절대로아님저혼자만그렇게생각함/다른사람들은아니라고생각함)아무튼그녀를소개받기로한나는그친구넘한테탕수육팔보채에중국요리를시켜주었습니다~!그넘이스테미너가딸린다나그래서시켜준겁니다~!!안그럼여자는없다구~!!치사한넘~~!!아무튼그넘은그녀와통화를한뒤에약속을잡더니전화를끊더군요~~!!그리군아무말도없이중국요리만먹는겁니다~!!(뭐~!결과를얘기해주어야지사람속타게)그래서제가막머라구그랬더니이녀석이침을튀며"푸하하하~~!!이자식아!어여먹구넌내일나만따라오면되"그러는겁니다그렇게하루가지나서저희는약속장소로나갔죠~~!!(그녀를만나기위해서때빼고광내고)수유전철역어느커피숍2층저는두근거리를마음을진정시키며커피숍문을여는친구뒤를따라갔는데약속시간보다그녀가먼저도착하여빨때에입을살포시데고음료를마시구있는데그모습이너무너무얘쁘더라구요~~!!{침흘릴정도로}(그녀가저의첫여자이자마지막여자가될진그땐정말몰랐습니다~~!!)아무튼자리에앉아서서로인사를나눈뒤에우린거기서대화를꽃을피웠고서로연락처를주고받은뒤에자리를옮기기로하였습니다~~!!그녀는자기의호출기번호를알려주더군요~~!!저는그때스피드공땡땡표핸드폰을가지고있었습니다~!!100만원이상할때~~!!(지금생각해보면웃음만나오고내가왜이렇게철이없었나십습니다/병신같은놈/)ㅇ가족들과싸운후에홧김에산핸드폰~~!!아무튼그녀는자기가잘가는아지트가있다고해서저는말없이따라갔습니다~~!!술집앞에도착했을때저는말없이웃기만했죠~!다른게아니라술집이름이아지트인겁니다~!그녀가저보고왜웃냐고묻더군요~1그래서저는"그아지트가그아지트가아니라술집이름이야?"라고되물으며웃었더니그녀도말없이웃더니그냥들어가더군요~~!!그녀와저는동갑이라서말을놓기로한거거든요~!!그리구재가좀웃깁니다~!술집으로들어간우리는알탕에다가칵테일소주를시켜서먹었습니다거기서3시간반을떠들었어요~!!원래그러면안되는데저란놈이워낙웃긴놈이라첫만남에서이미지관리못하구웃겨주었거든요정신없이~~!!뭐라고떠드는지도모르겠구떠들면서도웃었던거밖에기억이안납니다~~!!지금도~~!!첫만남에서늦게귀가시키면안될것같아서우린술집에서나와서배웅해주었습니다~~!!도중에빠진저는잽싸게편의점으로들어가서음료수와꽃한다발을사가지구그녀에게주었습니다~~!그녀는말이없이웃기만하더군요~!택시를태워서보낼려구하다가밤늦게여자혼자택시타는것이위험하다는친구넘때문에얼떨결에택시를같이타게되었습니다~!!근데이친구넘이눈치없이좀전에자기가소개시켜주었으면서그녀를먼저태우고중간엔그놈이마지막엔제가탔습니다~~!!(이룬)(첫만남부터그녀의집앞을간다~!???)웃음이나오더군요~~!!저는아무말없이창밖만바라보다가두군거리는가슴을진정시키고처음만난그순간부터차근차근회상하기시작했죠~~!!그녀의집은돈암동올라가는꼭대기랍니다~~!!수유리에서택시를탄우리는미아리까지오개되었습니다친구놈은아까서부터뭐라고그녀와웃고떠드는지저는정신이없는데~~!!정신을차려보니"뭐야~~!!벌써미아삼거리잖아~~!!아저씨눈치없이~~!!"저는속으로이야기한다는게저도모르게입밖으로나온겁니다(윽~!이룬~!!)그제서야말길을알아들은택시아저씨와그녀친구넘앞에합승한누나?(혹시아줌만가???)암튼저만빼고웃음에바다를이루었죠~~!!그택시에서내려서우리는그녀집에까지바래다주고돌아왔습니다우린버스를타고~~!!버스안에서그친구놈이말을하더군요!"어때맘에드는거같어?둘이잘어울린다잘해봐라내일서부턴너혼자만나야되~!"저는"알았어임마~!고맙다"그렇게대답을하고집으로왔는데밤에잠이안오더군요~~!!(드디어~!나에게도여자친구가생기겠구나~~!!)란생각때문에웃음만나오고가슴도두군대고암튼너무좋아서~~!1덕분에다음날지각해서욕무지먹었습니다~~!늦잠을자서~~!!회사에출근한저는그녀에게연락을하려다가(수화기를열댓번정도)들었다가노았다가를반복을했는지~~!!결국은그녀가부담이될수도있다는생각에다음날로미루었지요~~!!수화기만드는데왜그렇게가슴이뛰는지!그냥그렇게하루를보내다가그녀에게다음날점심시간에밥도안먹구전화를해서얼떨결에약속을잡고그날저녁에수유리어느커피숍몇층?오~!노~!이번엔지하에서만나서이야기좀나누다가술집에가서맥주좀마시다가그녀집에바래다주고여전히저는버스타고오고~~!!돌아오는길에버스안에그런문구가있더군요~~!!"남자는 사랑하는 사람을 위하여 금반지를 사주지만 자기는 금반지 값을 매우기 위해 라면을 먹는다"아마도남자들은모두공감을하시듯~~!!암튼집으로돌아와이번엔편하게자구일주일지난두에만남을가졌고그날도수유리커피숍에서만나서이야기를나누고배고프다고밥을먹으러가자구해서저는속으로(중국요리만은제발~~!!안니되는데~~!!)역시그녀는길건너편에있는맥도날드2층레스토랑으로가서김치볶은밥을시킬길래저두같은걸루달라구한뒤그녀에게용기를내서말을했죠~~!"우리사귀자~~!!"그녀는이번엔호탕하게웃더군요~~!!"프하하~!!어여밥이나먹어"그러는겁니다!저는순간(뭐야?어쩌자는거지?/챙피하잖아~!!)속으로그렇게생각하면서밥을먹었죠~~!!후식이나오더군요~~!!그녀는녹차를좋아하더군요~~!!저도녹차를상당히좋아하는데~~!!다시한번용기를내서저는"우리사귀자~!난!니가너무좋아~~!"그랬더니차를마시던그녀는입가에살짝미소를머금은후에그녀가말을하더군요~~!!자기도좋다구하면서그렇게그날도맥주를호프집에가서미신뒤에그녀를집에까지바래다주었고저도집으로돌아와서잠이들었고그후에여러번만남을가졌습니다~!친구생일그녀친구모임우리친구모임해서자주만났고그러던어느날하우리의100일이지난140일정도되던날제친구한명이군대에서휴가를나온겁니다~!그너무반가운나머지어쩌다보니그녀와저와군인친구놈3명이서만나기로약속을잡아버렸습니다~~!!(사실제여자친구자랑도해주고싶고~~!!/남자들은그런거있습니다~~!!여자친구생기거나뭐좋은거생기면친구놈들에게자랑하고픈~~!!/여자분들은이해가가실런지?)이런놈들상대하지마싶시요~~덩달아물들면~~!!여럿피봅니다~!혹시신용불량자가될지도~~!!/아무튼그렇게약속을정한뒤수유리지하호프집에서만난우리는서로인사를나누고저는친구놈고생하는것도모르고어린아이처럼이렇게이야기를했죠~!"내여자친구얘쁘지?친구놈은어처구니없다는식으로웃더군요그러더니"야임마~!오랬만에만나서여자친구자랑이냐~~!1너도어여군대나와그러더군요~~!1그러면서이쁘다고하더군요~~!!친구안부부터묻는게친구된도리였는데대뜸여자친구자랑을하니어이가없었을겁니다~~!!저는화장실이급해서그자리에서빠진후친구와그녀외의시간을주었죠~~!!한10분뒤에갔을땐분위기가좀친근감있게바뀌어있더군요~~!!그친구도우ㅓ낙나같은놈이라서~~!!아무튼그자리에서술을마신뒤분위기가좋아서돈암동으로2차하러가갈려구택시를탔고돈암동에도착한우리는(그때당시에는락카페인가?나이트인가가있었습니다~~!!){1997년도에는}우린거기에서술을마시다가제가술을취하는바람에(정신은있었습니다)어쩌다보니여관까지와서그친구놈은방하나따로잡아주었고저희는같은방에들어갔습니다~~!!그날우린그녀와관계를맺은후에다음날아침에그녀를바래다주었고친구내집을들려서저는회사로갔죠~~!!회사에도착해서컴터를키는순간전화가오더군요~~!!그녑니다대뜸헤어지자고하더군요~~!!이유는니가더잘알거라고하면서~~!!분명히오늘아침까지만하더라도분위기가좋았거든요~~!!불과한두시간만에이렇게전화가오다니~~!!오늘저녁때만나기로하고전화를끝었습니다~~!1"만나서이야기하자~~!!도대체왜그러는지모르겠는데내가잘못한게있으면이해하고"라고이야기했고그렇게하루의반을보낸뒤퇴근을해서그녀를만났습니다이번엔수유전철역교보생명옆편의점2층커피숍그녀가시무룩하게앉아서아무말없이녹차를마시는겁니다~~!!저는"왜그래?~~!!혹시내가잘못한게있는거야?미안해내가잘못한게있으면그건내가너를정말많이사랑해서그런걸꺼야"그런데그녀는아무말없이차만마시다가한30여분뒤에나말을꺼내더군요~~!"몰라서물어?"(나~!참나~!!뭐말을해줘야알지~~!!대뜸몰라서물어그러면난들압니까?)몰라~~!!이야기를해야알지~!!그랬더니그녀는길게한숨을내쉬더니그러겁니다~~!!"나처녀아니야~!!"(그럼설마~~!!??아줌마??)저는장난끼가발동하여~!!그럼아줌마란소리??웃으며~~!!그녀가그러더군요~~!"그런게아니야~~!!"그러면서그녀의과거를이야기하더군요~~!!중학교3학년때좋아하던오빠가있었는데그오빠는20살이었고둘이친하게지냈는데어느날그오빠친구들이라그녀친구들이랑만나서술을마셨는데그자리애서그오빠란작자(쓰래기같은놈~~!!으~~~!!)그놈이그녀에게그짓거리를했답니다~!피도마니흘리고처녀막도찌져지고~!!그이야기를들은저는비로소이헤흫하고그녀를위로로하기시작했습니다~~가슴은부굴부굴끓어오르면서(순간남자로태어난제가미안했습니다~~!!)(잔인한그놈~~!!)저는그녀에게그랬죠~~!!"야~!우리나라에처녀가과연얼마나되겠냐~~!!그런일로신경쓰지마~~!나안사랑해?(여성여러분오해가없으시길~~!!단순히위로하기위해서나도모르게내뱉은생각없는말임)그랬더니그녀가자기옆으로오라구그러더군요~~!!평상시에장난으로저를잘때리던그녀라옆에가긴두려웠지만분위기가분위기인만큼군소리없이갔죠~!!그녀아제어께에기대더니흐느끼더군요그러면서~~!!"사랑해~!자기야~!!미안해~~!!"저는목소리에힘을주어서"앞으로무슨일이나이런일있으면나한테이야기햐알았지~!!"그러겠다고하면서그날위로해주고그녀를바래다주었습니다~~!1그뒤로도그렇게여러번을만나다가어느일요일저녁때친한형님의쌍문동쪽에서결혼식을한다기에거기들렸다가오면서보면안되는것을봤습니다~~!!그녀가단란주점에서어느놈의팔장을끼고나오는겁니다~~!!그것도짧은치마를입고입가에미소를머금은후에저는그자리에서내려서그녀에게전화를했죠~~!!(그땐그녀에게제가핸드폰을사준때였고요금은~~!!역시~!!제가냈었죠~!!지금커플요금은저때문에생긴거라보면됩니다~~!!)전화를안받더군요~~!!열이무진장받더군요~~!!그때가사귄지300일정도였습니다~~!1그단란주점에가서그녀좀불러달라고웨이터한테이야기했더니웨이터란놈이그러더군요~~!!"그런아가씨는없는데요~~!!"저는그자리에서뛰쳐나와포장마차로가서소주한병을마신후그녀의집앞에갔습니다~!!"좋았어~!!그래언제오는지내가이자리에서지켜보지~!!그시간이저녁10시쯤이었습니다~!!그렇게그자리에서추운데벌벌떨면서새벽5시40여분쯤지나니까저~~~!멀리서그녀가오더군요~~!1제옆을지나가길래그녀에게그랬죠~!!"어디가냐?나한테할말없냐?"그녀가깜짝놀라서저를뚤러져라보더군요~~!!그렇게한10여분이지나서그녀가"웬일이야?"저는"늦었으니까오늘7시경에길음역2층커피숍으로와~~"그말만하고저는바로돌아서서왔죠~!!집에도착하니까7시쯤됐길래샤워하고회사로바로출근을했죠~~!!그렇게또하루에반을보내고그녀를만나기위해길음역커피숍으로갔죠~~!!그녀가좀늦게들어오더군요~~!!한7시20분쯤에~~!!화가나서이야기했죠~!!"야~~!!말해봐~!!뭐야지금~~!"그녀가슬픈얼굴로그러더군요~~!!위에서말했던거와같이중3때20살그오빠한테그렇게당하구그때부터였다구~~!!저는그랬죠~~!!"거기나가지마~!니몸만버려~~!!이해못하는건아닌데내가사랑하는사람이망가기는건난싫어~~!"그녀가알았다구그러더군요~~!!약속을받구저는그녀를위로해주고(위로받을것난거같은데~!!)그옆하땡땡라이브호프집을갔죠~!!거긴분위기가좋아서자주가는곳입니다(그땐좋았습니다~~!!지금은어떤진몰라두~!!)섹스폰을불러주기에그분위기에취에술에취해그날저희는우리둘의사랑을확인했고관계를갖은뒤에그녀를집에데려다주고저는집으로왔죠~~!!그렇게하루를보내고회사에출근한뒤에그렇게여러날을보냈습니다~~!!그후로도만나면우리는관계를가지게되었고그렇게시간을보내다보니어느순간부터는이러면안되겠다싶더군요~!그래서저는그녀를만나면밥먹구~~극장도가구~~!!술도마시구~~!!그냥집에보내주기를한달쯔음되었습니다그후1주일이지나어느아침날회사출근해서제자리에앉아있는데전화가오더군요~~!!그녀입니다~~!!저는아직두그녀의목소리만들으면가슴이뛰거든요~~!!(사랑하는사이이면그사람의지난과거라든지아픈상처까지도감싸줄줄알아야된다고생각합니다~~!!)그런데그녀는대뜸"우리그만헤어저~!!"그러는겁니다~~!(참나~!아침에기분좋게출근했는데뭐헤어지자구~~!!이런~~!)그래서저는그랬습니다"이번엔내가또뭘잘못했는데~~!!말해봐~!!!나란놈은바보라서말안해주면몰라~~!"그랬더니역시나"몰라서물어"그러더니전화을끊어버리는겁니다~!!(으으으~~!!성질나게만드내~~!!)다시전화를해서그랬죠"만나서이야기해~!""어디어디로나와"그리고제가일방적으로끈었죠~!!(사실다들공감하시는겁니다만아침부터이런저화받으면일손이안잡힙니다~!!그날따라직장상사한테욕무지얻어먹어씁니다)아무튼(여자들왜그러는지알수가없습니다~~!도대채왜그러는겁니까?)그날만나서저혼자그녀앞에서소주를한병을원삿병채로~!!했습니다~~!!술병을테이불위에사뿐히노아두며"말해봐!내가뭘잘못했는데툭하면헤어지자구그러는거야?"(여자들은잘해주면남자친구가웃기게보이나보죠~!!??아님만만하게보이든지~~!!)그녀가말없이소주한잔을마시더니"밥은먹었어?"그러는겁니다그리구별다른말도안하더군요~~!!한그렇게두세번을묻다가짜증나서말을한했더니"삐졌어"그러는겁니다성질나게~~!!(휴~~!우~~!그래내가참는다~!!!!사랑해서참는다~~!)속으로그렇게생각하구다른이야기하고좀웃겨주다가우린이번에도어김없이여관엘가서관계를맺었죠~!!그렇게서로의사랑을확인한뒤아침에그녀를지에바래다주었고저는어김없이회사로출근했죠~~!!(거의이틀에한번씩만나서관계를맺었습니다~!!그동안~~!!)아침에출근해서회의를갔다오니까한10시30여분쯤되더라구요~~!!전화가오는겁니다~~!!그녑니다~~!!"자기야~!!출근잘했어?아침은먹구?자기요즘힘이없는것같애많이피곤하지?인삼달여줄까??"그러는겁니다~!!(참나무슨인삼?21살짜리가그런거먹어봤짜얼마나도움이된다구~!!)"됐으니까자기나먹어~~!!난밥이보약이야~~~!몸조리나잘해~!날씨추우니까?감기조심하구~~!!(여자들다그런답니까?자기내는조금만삐지면툭톨아지구남잔죽어나구~~!!또내가삐지면신경도안써요~~!!)아무튼그렇게또여러달의시간이지난어느날회사로전화가옵니다~!"여보세요~!!임마오늘동창회인거알아저녁7시까지돈암동어디어디로나와친구들다온데~~!!"저는약속을정하구여자친구한테전호ㅏ를해서같이가자구그랬더니~~!"나오늘약속있어~!!니가모르는친구야~!!"그러는겁니다~!!(그녀의여자친구들은제가다아는데그러는겁니다/그리구그녀는단란주점을안가기로했는데저모르게나갔거든요/알면서속아주었죠~!!/사랑하니까~!!/그런데여자들다그럽니까?/사람이착하면그걸이용해먹을려구합니까?아님맘친이만만하게보이든지?그러지마십시요남친상처받습니다/그래서아직까지여자친구가없나봅니다제가~!)저는알았다구그러구그날일이많아서3시간정도늦게도착했습니다~~!!그런데보지말아야될것을또보았습니다~!!제여자친구인그녀가다른남자품에안겨그것도눈이풀려서술취한상태로나오는겁니다~!(뭐야~!이런~!!뭐~!나모르는친구라구~~!!그친구가다른놈이냐~~!!이런비러먹을~!!)어처구니가없어서가만히처다보구있으니까~!!그녀가다가오더군요~~!!"자기야~~!!"그러면서제품에안기더군요~~!!저는어처구니가없어서그냥지켜보니까~!그놈이다가와서"죄송합니다~!"그러면서제여친을가로채가는겁니다~~!!(으으으~~!!성질나내~~!!)저는그놈에게다가가서그녀의손을잡구무작정한50미터쯤끌고갔습니다~~!!그놈이쫏아오더군요~~!!"당신뭐야?"(뭐나더러당신~!??뭐야~~??성질나내~~)저는그놈한테그랬죠~~!!나잇람과결혼할사이야~~!!그랬더니그놈이말하더군요~~!!자긴군대에서휴가나왔구펜팔하던사람이라구~~!!(어짜피나두조금있으면군대가야되니까~!!)군대있는사람이무슨잘못입니까~~!!어여가십시요~~!!라구하며그놈을보내주었죠~~!!아직화가안가라앉은저는그녀를들쳐업고그돈암동고개를올라갔습니다~~!!그녀집에도착헤서그녀를들여다보내주었고저는모임이구뭐고화가나서그냥집으로왔습니다~~!!다음날전화하겠지하구기다렸더니전화가안옵니다~~!!사실그날영받아서잠한숨못잤습니다~~!!여러분들공감하시죠~~!!그렇게하루가가구이틀이됬는데전화가안오대요~~!!저녁이다되었는대저는저녁9시즘전화를했죠~~!!"뭐냐~!?너~~!!나한테할말없냐?"그랬더니그녀가그러더군요~~!!뻔뻔하게~~!!"내가뭐~~!!!"저는열받아서"나한테잘못한거없냐?할이야기가있을텐데?"그랬더니"뭐~~!!어~~!!"그러면서오히려짜증을내는겁니다~~!!저는열받아서"알았어~!"그리구전화를끈었더니전화두안오데요~~!!열받아서(진짜로~~!!여자들다그럽니까~~!!진짜~~!!내가조금소홀해지면바로삐지구자긴다른남자만나도당당하구~~!!진짜로~~!!)다음날회사출근했더니전화가오더군요~~!!"자기야~!!!뭐~~해?"코맹맹이소리로코에힘주며~~!!제가어떻게했을까요~~!!"나너랑할이야기없어~!!"그러면서전화를끈었죠~~!그랬더니전화가바로다시오더군요~~!!그러면서"오늘저녁때만나~~!!미안해짜기야~~!!내가사랑하는거알지?"그러는겁니다(솔직히남잔이래서안됩니다~!사랑하는사람이이렇게나오면마음약한분들은여기서무너집니다~~!!저두그랬죠~~!!)그날저녁때만나서술마시구그녀가제옆으로와서뽀뽀를해주고팔장을끼면서~~!!"미안해~!자~기야~~!!내가잘못했어그러는겁니다~~!!저는그냥화를풀었고~!!우린오늘도여관엘가서관계를맺고그녀를업고(저는업는걸좋아해서그녀를만난뒤한달쯤되던날부터지금까지쭈욱업고다녔습니다~~!!또안업어주면그녀가삐집니다~~!!그녀삐지면무섭습니다~~!!한달은가거든요~!!)집에까지바래다주었고회사에출근했습니다~~!!(만약~!저에게도다시여자친구가생기면쭈욱업고다닐생각입니다~~!!)그렇게어언2년이란시간이되어가면서군입대영장이나오더군요~~!!그것도어머니께서숨겨두시다가입대일주일전에보여주시더군요~~!!(남자분들그기분아시죠~~!!세상이다끝나는것만같은기분~~!!저는회사로가서사직서를제출하고~~!!그날저녁송별회를한후그다음날그녀를불러내서영장을보여주었죠~!!그랬더니그녀가말없이울더군요~!!!저는그녀에게"에이~~!!우리울보~!나없으면누가매일같이업어서집에까지배웅해주나?"그랬더니더우는겁니다~~!!목소리가점점커지더군요~~!!그래서진정하란의미에서한마디했죠~!!"야~~!!내가뭐~!죽으러가냐~~!!??100일뒤에휴가나오니까그때까지만기다리면되~!"했더니~~!이번엔그녀가~!"으아아~~!!나어떻게해~~!!"하면서소리내서우는겁니다~~!!그것도술집에서~!!(시선집중~~**윽~~!!)전잽사게그녀옆에앉아서꼬옥끌어안아주었죠~~!!그러면서저도울었죠~~!!"자기야~!사랑해~!!아주멋있는남자가되어서나올께"란약속을하구우린여관을가서마지막밤을보낸뒤에그녀를마지막으로업구집에배웅해준뒤에등을돌렸는데발이안떨어지구지금이렇게가면그녀와난아주끝날것같았습니다~~!!그렇게집에와서가족들과마지막시간을보내구입영하는날입니다~!전그녀에게전화했죠~~!!"자기야~!나이제출발한다~!잘지내구~~사랑해~~!!근데배웅안올거야?"그녀는말없이울더군요~~!!그렇게한20분쯤뒤에말을꺼내더군요~~!!"잘갔다와~~!!기다릴께~~!!내가거기가면쓰러저서못돌아올것같아~~!!~!사랑해~~!!"그러더군요~!!저는"알았어~~!그럼안녕"전화를끈고저는어머니와입영전철을노량진역에서타고고으정부306보충대로가기위해서의정부에서내려서~~!!입영버스(시내버스임/사실그런버스없음/)를타고입대를했습니다~~!!보충대에서3박을하구4일째쯤신병교육대로가서6주간훈련을받는데편지가오더군요~~!!많이보구싶다구사랑한다구~~!!그녀인겁니다~~!!저는신교대에서자대배치를받구자대로갔습니다6주뒤~~!!분위기가좀살벌한특공대였죠~!!수원에있는~~!!원래그러면안되는대저는몰래고참들몰래종이학을접기시작했습니다종이학500마리거북이300마리배조1마이중간에걸려서무지마졌거든요~!!저는그래도그녀를생각하며접었습니다~~!!자대배치를받구한달정도는편지가오더군요~~!!사랑한다구보구싶다구밤마다운다구~~!!저도답장을보내주었죠~~!!그런대2달째즘서부터연락이없고전화해도안받구편지보내도답장이없었습니다~~!저는당연히그녀가바뻐서그랬겠거니하구휴가만기다렸습니다~~!!그러던기다리던휴가날100일휴가~!!전그동안접어두었던걸몰래가지구나갔습니다~~!!그래서그녀의집앞으로향했죠그공안모아두월급을가지구(참고로이등병월급은9800원입니다)그녀의집앞에서그녀에게전화를했더니받더군요그런데말투가냉냉한겁니다~~!!"여보세요~~!!나야자기야~!!나~!휴가나왔어~~!"그랬더니"웬일이야~!휴가도보내주냐?나~!바쁘니까~!이따가전화해"그러는겁니다~~!!(사람한테는오감이있죠~!후각/미각/청각/시각/감각그리고하나를추가해육감이라구하죠~~!!)전화를근고저는"드디어올것이왔구나~!!?"란생각이들었죠~~!!인근커피숍에서~~!!@시간을보낸뒤에~!!다시전화를했더니30전에나갔다구하는겁니다~어머니께서~~!!그녀에게전화를했더니안받는겁니다~~!!한20번도넘게했습니다~~!!그녀의친구전화번호를알기에그녀의친구를불렀죠~~!!!같이차한잔마시며친구에게모든걸들었습니다~~!!다른남자가생겼다구~~!!그만그녀를잊어달라구 저 만힘들어진다구~~!!그이야기를들은저는그녀에게마지막메세지를남기고군부대로바로복귀했습니다~~!!종이학과거북이를또그안에종이한장한장마다사랑한다고쓰면서만든백조를하늘위로뿌리면서울면서부대로복귀했습니다~!!참고로이등병백일휴가는4박5일인데저는휴가나간날바로복귀를했죠~~!!죽고싶었습니다~~!!하지만신분이군인신분인지라그럴수도없습니다~~!!그렇게군생활을마치고2001년1월23일날제대를했고~~!!지금까지전쭈~~욱혼자로솔로로보내고있습니다~~!!다음달11월24이면그녀와헤어진지도6주년입니다~~!!1998년11월24일날입대를했으니까요~~!!저는그녀를우ㅣ해다주었는대그녀는마치저를비웃듯이떠나버렸죠~~!!저는그녀어머니에게군대제대해서결혼을하겠다구했더니반대를하더군요~~!!(자기딸이단란주점을다니는지도모르면서~!!저보고능력이없다면서~!!군대제대하면뭘먹고살겠냐면서~~!무시하시더군요~~!!여러분들은어떻게생각하시는지요~~!!여자들스킨쉽싫어한다구하는데그녀는아니거든요~!!인삼이야기하는거보면~~!!여자분들남자들욕하시는데~~!!제가봤을땐욕할것하나없습니다~~!!저는참고로그녀를만날때졌던빚으로인해신용불량자가되지는않았지만거의거기까지갈뻔했습니다~~!!100일150일챙기구그녀으어머니아버지생일까지다챙기며저는집에서는불효자가되어야했으니까요~~!!
나의첫사랑~~!!(여자는 다 그런가요~~!!)
지금으로부터7년전1996년11월어느날이었습니다!그녀와내가만난날이~~!!20여년을혼자지내다보니외롭더군요~~!!지금제나이는27세7년전이었으니까~!!20살사회초년생이었지요~~!!저는제친구중에여자친구가제일많은친구넘을졸라서그녀를만나게되었습니다~~!!사실안믿을지는모르겠지만저는중학교,고등학교때에도미팅한번안나갔구요~~!여자손한번잡아보지못했습니다~~!!미팅빵구나게생겼다고땜빵좀서달라고(데신나가달라고는여러번있었습니다~~!!)미팅땜빵나가는것도얼굴이좀되야나가는거아닙니까??제가생긴건좀되거든요~~!!(절대로아님저혼자만그렇게생각함/다른사람들은아니라고생각함)아무튼그녀를소개받기로한나는그친구넘한테탕수육팔보채에중국요리를시켜주었습니다~!그넘이스테미너가딸린다나그래서시켜준겁니다~!!안그럼여자는없다구~!!치사한넘~~!!아무튼그넘은그녀와통화를한뒤에약속을잡더니전화를끊더군요~~!!그리군아무말도없이중국요리만먹는겁니다~!!(뭐~!결과를얘기해주어야지사람속타게)그래서제가막머라구그랬더니이녀석이침을튀며"푸하하하~~!!이자식아!어여먹구넌내일나만따라오면되"그러는겁니다그렇게하루가지나서저희는약속장소로나갔죠~~!!(그녀를만나기위해서때빼고광내고)수유전철역어느커피숍2층저는두근거리를마음을진정시키며커피숍문을여는친구뒤를따라갔는데약속시간보다그녀가먼저도착하여빨때에입을살포시데고음료를마시구있는데그모습이너무너무얘쁘더라구요~~!!{침흘릴정도로}(그녀가저의첫여자이자마지막여자가될진그땐정말몰랐습니다~~!!)아무튼자리에앉아서서로인사를나눈뒤에우린거기서대화를꽃을피웠고서로연락처를주고받은뒤에자리를옮기기로하였습니다~~!!그녀는자기의호출기번호를알려주더군요~~!!저는그때스피드공땡땡표핸드폰을가지고있었습니다~!!100만원이상할때~~!!(지금생각해보면웃음만나오고내가왜이렇게철이없었나십습니다/병신같은놈/)ㅇ가족들과싸운후에홧김에산핸드폰~~!!아무튼그녀는자기가잘가는아지트가있다고해서저는말없이따라갔습니다~~!!술집앞에도착했을때저는말없이웃기만했죠~!다른게아니라술집이름이아지트인겁니다~!그녀가저보고왜웃냐고묻더군요~1그래서저는"그아지트가그아지트가아니라술집이름이야?"라고되물으며웃었더니그녀도말없이웃더니그냥들어가더군요~~!!그녀와저는동갑이라서말을놓기로한거거든요~!!그리구재가좀웃깁니다~!술집으로들어간우리는알탕에다가칵테일소주를시켜서먹었습니다거기서3시간반을떠들었어요~!!원래그러면안되는데저란놈이워낙웃긴놈이라첫만남에서이미지관리못하구웃겨주었거든요정신없이~~!!뭐라고떠드는지도모르겠구떠들면서도웃었던거밖에기억이안납니다~~!!지금도~~!!첫만남에서늦게귀가시키면안될것같아서우린술집에서나와서배웅해주었습니다~~!!도중에빠진저는잽싸게편의점으로들어가서음료수와꽃한다발을사가지구그녀에게주었습니다~~!그녀는말이없이웃기만하더군요~!택시를태워서보낼려구하다가밤늦게여자혼자택시타는것이위험하다는친구넘때문에얼떨결에택시를같이타게되었습니다~!!근데이친구넘이눈치없이좀전에자기가소개시켜주었으면서그녀를먼저태우고중간엔그놈이마지막엔제가탔습니다~~!!(이룬)(첫만남부터그녀의집앞을간다~!???)웃음이나오더군요~~!!저는아무말없이창밖만바라보다가두군거리는가슴을진정시키고처음만난그순간부터차근차근회상하기시작했죠~~!!그녀의집은돈암동올라가는꼭대기랍니다~~!!수유리에서택시를탄우리는미아리까지오개되었습니다친구놈은아까서부터뭐라고그녀와웃고떠드는지저는정신이없는데~~!!정신을차려보니"뭐야~~!!벌써미아삼거리잖아~~!!아저씨눈치없이~~!!"저는속으로이야기한다는게저도모르게입밖으로나온겁니다(윽~!이룬~!!)그제서야말길을알아들은택시아저씨와그녀친구넘앞에합승한누나?(혹시아줌만가???)암튼저만빼고웃음에바다를이루었죠~~!!그택시에서내려서우리는그녀집에까지바래다주고돌아왔습니다우린버스를타고~~!!버스안에서그친구놈이말을하더군요!"어때맘에드는거같어?둘이잘어울린다잘해봐라내일서부턴너혼자만나야되~!"저는"알았어임마~!고맙다"그렇게대답을하고집으로왔는데밤에잠이안오더군요~~!!(드디어~!나에게도여자친구가생기겠구나~~!!)란생각때문에웃음만나오고가슴도두군대고암튼너무좋아서~~!1덕분에다음날지각해서욕무지먹었습니다~~!늦잠을자서~~!!회사에출근한저는그녀에게연락을하려다가(수화기를열댓번정도)들었다가노았다가를반복을했는지~~!!결국은그녀가부담이될수도있다는생각에다음날로미루었지요~~!!수화기만드는데왜그렇게가슴이뛰는지!그냥그렇게하루를보내다가그녀에게다음날점심시간에밥도안먹구전화를해서얼떨결에약속을잡고그날저녁에수유리어느커피숍몇층?오~!노~!이번엔지하에서만나서이야기좀나누다가술집에가서맥주좀마시다가그녀집에바래다주고여전히저는버스타고오고~~!!돌아오는길에버스안에그런문구가있더군요~~!!"남자는 사랑하는 사람을 위하여 금반지를 사주지만 자기는 금반지 값을 매우기 위해 라면을 먹는다"아마도남자들은모두공감을하시듯~~!!암튼집으로돌아와이번엔편하게자구일주일지난두에만남을가졌고그날도수유리커피숍에서만나서이야기를나누고배고프다고밥을먹으러가자구해서저는속으로(중국요리만은제발~~!!안니되는데~~!!)역시그녀는길건너편에있는맥도날드2층레스토랑으로가서김치볶은밥을시킬길래저두같은걸루달라구한뒤그녀에게용기를내서말을했죠~~!"우리사귀자~~!!"그녀는이번엔호탕하게웃더군요~~!!"프하하~!!어여밥이나먹어"그러는겁니다!저는순간(뭐야?어쩌자는거지?/챙피하잖아~!!)속으로그렇게생각하면서밥을먹었죠~~!!후식이나오더군요~~!!그녀는녹차를좋아하더군요~~!!저도녹차를상당히좋아하는데~~!!다시한번용기를내서저는"우리사귀자~!난!니가너무좋아~~!"그랬더니차를마시던그녀는입가에살짝미소를머금은후에그녀가말을하더군요~~!!자기도좋다구하면서그렇게그날도맥주를호프집에가서미신뒤에그녀를집에까지바래다주었고저도집으로돌아와서잠이들었고그후에여러번만남을가졌습니다~!친구생일그녀친구모임우리친구모임해서자주만났고그러던어느날하우리의100일이지난140일정도되던날제친구한명이군대에서휴가를나온겁니다~!그너무반가운나머지어쩌다보니그녀와저와군인친구놈3명이서만나기로약속을잡아버렸습니다~~!!(사실제여자친구자랑도해주고싶고~~!!/남자들은그런거있습니다~~!!여자친구생기거나뭐좋은거생기면친구놈들에게자랑하고픈~~!!/여자분들은이해가가실런지?)이런놈들상대하지마싶시요~~덩달아물들면~~!!여럿피봅니다~!혹시신용불량자가될지도~~!!/아무튼그렇게약속을정한뒤수유리지하호프집에서만난우리는서로인사를나누고저는친구놈고생하는것도모르고어린아이처럼이렇게이야기를했죠~!"내여자친구얘쁘지?친구놈은어처구니없다는식으로웃더군요그러더니"야임마~!오랬만에만나서여자친구자랑이냐~~!1너도어여군대나와그러더군요~~!1그러면서이쁘다고하더군요~~!!친구안부부터묻는게친구된도리였는데대뜸여자친구자랑을하니어이가없었을겁니다~~!!저는화장실이급해서그자리에서빠진후친구와그녀외의시간을주었죠~~!!한10분뒤에갔을땐분위기가좀친근감있게바뀌어있더군요~~!!그친구도우ㅓ낙나같은놈이라서~~!!아무튼그자리에서술을마신뒤분위기가좋아서돈암동으로2차하러가갈려구택시를탔고돈암동에도착한우리는(그때당시에는락카페인가?나이트인가가있었습니다~~!!){1997년도에는}우린거기에서술을마시다가제가술을취하는바람에(정신은있었습니다)어쩌다보니여관까지와서그친구놈은방하나따로잡아주었고저희는같은방에들어갔습니다~~!!그날우린그녀와관계를맺은후에다음날아침에그녀를바래다주었고친구내집을들려서저는회사로갔죠~~!!회사에도착해서컴터를키는순간전화가오더군요~~!!그녑니다대뜸헤어지자고하더군요~~!!이유는니가더잘알거라고하면서~~!!분명히오늘아침까지만하더라도분위기가좋았거든요~~!!불과한두시간만에이렇게전화가오다니~~!!오늘저녁때만나기로하고전화를끝었습니다~~!1"만나서이야기하자~~!!도대체왜그러는지모르겠는데내가잘못한게있으면이해하고"라고이야기했고그렇게하루의반을보낸뒤퇴근을해서그녀를만났습니다이번엔수유전철역교보생명옆편의점2층커피숍그녀가시무룩하게앉아서아무말없이녹차를마시는겁니다~~!!저는"왜그래?~~!!혹시내가잘못한게있는거야?미안해내가잘못한게있으면그건내가너를정말많이사랑해서그런걸꺼야"그런데그녀는아무말없이차만마시다가한30여분뒤에나말을꺼내더군요~~!"몰라서물어?"(나~!참나~!!뭐말을해줘야알지~~!!대뜸몰라서물어그러면난들압니까?)몰라~~!!이야기를해야알지~!!그랬더니그녀는길게한숨을내쉬더니그러겁니다~~!!"나처녀아니야~!!"(그럼설마~~!!??아줌마??)저는장난끼가발동하여~!!그럼아줌마란소리??웃으며~~!!그녀가그러더군요~~!"그런게아니야~~!!"그러면서그녀의과거를이야기하더군요~~!!중학교3학년때좋아하던오빠가있었는데그오빠는20살이었고둘이친하게지냈는데어느날그오빠친구들이라그녀친구들이랑만나서술을마셨는데그자리애서그오빠란작자(쓰래기같은놈~~!!으~~~!!)그놈이그녀에게그짓거리를했답니다~!피도마니흘리고처녀막도찌져지고~!!그이야기를들은저는비로소이헤흫하고그녀를위로로하기시작했습니다~~가슴은부굴부굴끓어오르면서(순간남자로태어난제가미안했습니다~~!!)(잔인한그놈~~!!)저는그녀에게그랬죠~~!!"야~!우리나라에처녀가과연얼마나되겠냐~~!!그런일로신경쓰지마~~!나안사랑해?(여성여러분오해가없으시길~~!!단순히위로하기위해서나도모르게내뱉은생각없는말임)그랬더니그녀가자기옆으로오라구그러더군요~~!!평상시에장난으로저를잘때리던그녀라옆에가긴두려웠지만분위기가분위기인만큼군소리없이갔죠~!!그녀아제어께에기대더니흐느끼더군요그러면서~~!!"사랑해~!자기야~!!미안해~~!!"저는목소리에힘을주어서"앞으로무슨일이나이런일있으면나한테이야기햐알았지~!!"그러겠다고하면서그날위로해주고그녀를바래다주었습니다~~!1그뒤로도그렇게여러번을만나다가어느일요일저녁때친한형님의쌍문동쪽에서결혼식을한다기에거기들렸다가오면서보면안되는것을봤습니다~~!!그녀가단란주점에서어느놈의팔장을끼고나오는겁니다~~!!그것도짧은치마를입고입가에미소를머금은후에저는그자리에서내려서그녀에게전화를했죠~~!!(그땐그녀에게제가핸드폰을사준때였고요금은~~!!역시~!!제가냈었죠~!!지금커플요금은저때문에생긴거라보면됩니다~~!!)전화를안받더군요~~!!열이무진장받더군요~~!!그때가사귄지300일정도였습니다~~!1그단란주점에가서그녀좀불러달라고웨이터한테이야기했더니웨이터란놈이그러더군요~~!!"그런아가씨는없는데요~~!!"저는그자리에서뛰쳐나와포장마차로가서소주한병을마신후그녀의집앞에갔습니다~!!"좋았어~!!그래언제오는지내가이자리에서지켜보지~!!그시간이저녁10시쯤이었습니다~!!그렇게그자리에서추운데벌벌떨면서새벽5시40여분쯤지나니까저~~~!멀리서그녀가오더군요~~!1제옆을지나가길래그녀에게그랬죠~!!"어디가냐?나한테할말없냐?"그녀가깜짝놀라서저를뚤러져라보더군요~~!!그렇게한10여분이지나서그녀가"웬일이야?"저는"늦었으니까오늘7시경에길음역2층커피숍으로와~~"그말만하고저는바로돌아서서왔죠~!!집에도착하니까7시쯤됐길래샤워하고회사로바로출근을했죠~~!!그렇게또하루에반을보내고그녀를만나기위해길음역커피숍으로갔죠~~!!그녀가좀늦게들어오더군요~~!!한7시20분쯤에~~!!화가나서이야기했죠~!!"야~~!!말해봐~!!뭐야지금~~!"그녀가슬픈얼굴로그러더군요~~!!위에서말했던거와같이중3때20살그오빠한테그렇게당하구그때부터였다구~~!!저는그랬죠~~!!"거기나가지마~!니몸만버려~~!!이해못하는건아닌데내가사랑하는사람이망가기는건난싫어~~!"그녀가알았다구그러더군요~~!!약속을받구저는그녀를위로해주고(위로받을것난거같은데~!!)그옆하땡땡라이브호프집을갔죠~!!거긴분위기가좋아서자주가는곳입니다(그땐좋았습니다~~!!지금은어떤진몰라두~!!)섹스폰을불러주기에그분위기에취에술에취해그날저희는우리둘의사랑을확인했고관계를갖은뒤에그녀를집에데려다주고저는집으로왔죠~~!!그렇게하루를보내고회사에출근한뒤에그렇게여러날을보냈습니다~~!!그후로도만나면우리는관계를가지게되었고그렇게시간을보내다보니어느순간부터는이러면안되겠다싶더군요~!그래서저는그녀를만나면밥먹구~~극장도가구~~!!술도마시구~~!!그냥집에보내주기를한달쯔음되었습니다그후1주일이지나어느아침날회사출근해서제자리에앉아있는데전화가오더군요~~!!그녀입니다~~!!저는아직두그녀의목소리만들으면가슴이뛰거든요~~!!(사랑하는사이이면그사람의지난과거라든지아픈상처까지도감싸줄줄알아야된다고생각합니다~~!!)그런데그녀는대뜸"우리그만헤어저~!!"그러는겁니다~~!(참나~!아침에기분좋게출근했는데뭐헤어지자구~~!!이런~~!)그래서저는그랬습니다"이번엔내가또뭘잘못했는데~~!!말해봐~!!!나란놈은바보라서말안해주면몰라~~!"그랬더니역시나"몰라서물어"그러더니전화을끊어버리는겁니다~!!(으으으~~!!성질나게만드내~~!!)다시전화를해서그랬죠"만나서이야기해~!""어디어디로나와"그리고제가일방적으로끈었죠~!!(사실다들공감하시는겁니다만아침부터이런저화받으면일손이안잡힙니다~!!그날따라직장상사한테욕무지얻어먹어씁니다)아무튼(여자들왜그러는지알수가없습니다~~!도대채왜그러는겁니까?)그날만나서저혼자그녀앞에서소주를한병을원삿병채로~!!했습니다~~!!술병을테이불위에사뿐히노아두며"말해봐!내가뭘잘못했는데툭하면헤어지자구그러는거야?"(여자들은잘해주면남자친구가웃기게보이나보죠~!!??아님만만하게보이든지~~!!)그녀가말없이소주한잔을마시더니"밥은먹었어?"그러는겁니다그리구별다른말도안하더군요~~!!한그렇게두세번을묻다가짜증나서말을한했더니"삐졌어"그러는겁니다성질나게~~!!(휴~~!우~~!그래내가참는다~!!!!사랑해서참는다~~!)속으로그렇게생각하구다른이야기하고좀웃겨주다가우린이번에도어김없이여관엘가서관계를맺었죠~!!그렇게서로의사랑을확인한뒤아침에그녀를지에바래다주었고저는어김없이회사로출근했죠~~!!(거의이틀에한번씩만나서관계를맺었습니다~!!그동안~~!!)아침에출근해서회의를갔다오니까한10시30여분쯤되더라구요~~!!전화가오는겁니다~~!!그녑니다~~!!"자기야~!!출근잘했어?아침은먹구?자기요즘힘이없는것같애많이피곤하지?인삼달여줄까??"그러는겁니다~!!(참나무슨인삼?21살짜리가그런거먹어봤짜얼마나도움이된다구~!!)"됐으니까자기나먹어~~!!난밥이보약이야~~~!몸조리나잘해~!날씨추우니까?감기조심하구~~!!(여자들다그런답니까?자기내는조금만삐지면툭톨아지구남잔죽어나구~~!!또내가삐지면신경도안써요~~!!)아무튼그렇게또여러달의시간이지난어느날회사로전화가옵니다~!"여보세요~!!임마오늘동창회인거알아저녁7시까지돈암동어디어디로나와친구들다온데~~!!"저는약속을정하구여자친구한테전호ㅏ를해서같이가자구그랬더니~~!"나오늘약속있어~!!니가모르는친구야~!!"그러는겁니다~!!(그녀의여자친구들은제가다아는데그러는겁니다/그리구그녀는단란주점을안가기로했는데저모르게나갔거든요/알면서속아주었죠~!!/사랑하니까~!!/그런데여자들다그럽니까?/사람이착하면그걸이용해먹을려구합니까?아님맘친이만만하게보이든지?그러지마십시요남친상처받습니다/그래서아직까지여자친구가없나봅니다제가~!)저는알았다구그러구그날일이많아서3시간정도늦게도착했습니다~~!!그런데보지말아야될것을또보았습니다~!!제여자친구인그녀가다른남자품에안겨그것도눈이풀려서술취한상태로나오는겁니다~!(뭐야~!이런~!!뭐~!나모르는친구라구~~!!그친구가다른놈이냐~~!!이런비러먹을~!!)어처구니가없어서가만히처다보구있으니까~!!그녀가다가오더군요~~!!"자기야~~!!"그러면서제품에안기더군요~~!!저는어처구니가없어서그냥지켜보니까~!그놈이다가와서"죄송합니다~!"그러면서제여친을가로채가는겁니다~~!!(으으으~~!!성질나내~~!!)저는그놈에게다가가서그녀의손을잡구무작정한50미터쯤끌고갔습니다~~!!그놈이쫏아오더군요~~!!"당신뭐야?"(뭐나더러당신~!??뭐야~~??성질나내~~)저는그놈한테그랬죠~~!!나잇람과결혼할사이야~~!!그랬더니그놈이말하더군요~~!!자긴군대에서휴가나왔구펜팔하던사람이라구~~!!(어짜피나두조금있으면군대가야되니까~!!)군대있는사람이무슨잘못입니까~~!!어여가십시요~~!!라구하며그놈을보내주었죠~~!!아직화가안가라앉은저는그녀를들쳐업고그돈암동고개를올라갔습니다~~!!그녀집에도착헤서그녀를들여다보내주었고저는모임이구뭐고화가나서그냥집으로왔습니다~~!!다음날전화하겠지하구기다렸더니전화가안옵니다~~!!사실그날영받아서잠한숨못잤습니다~~!!여러분들공감하시죠~~!!그렇게하루가가구이틀이됬는데전화가안오대요~~!!저녁이다되었는대저는저녁9시즘전화를했죠~~!!"뭐냐~!?너~~!!나한테할말없냐?"그랬더니그녀가그러더군요~~!!뻔뻔하게~~!!"내가뭐~~!!!"저는열받아서"나한테잘못한거없냐?할이야기가있을텐데?"그랬더니"뭐~~!!어~~!!"그러면서오히려짜증을내는겁니다~~!!저는열받아서"알았어~!"그리구전화를끈었더니전화두안오데요~~!!열받아서(진짜로~~!!여자들다그럽니까~~!!진짜~~!!내가조금소홀해지면바로삐지구자긴다른남자만나도당당하구~~!!진짜로~~!!)다음날회사출근했더니전화가오더군요~~!!"자기야~!!!뭐~~해?"코맹맹이소리로코에힘주며~~!!제가어떻게했을까요~~!!"나너랑할이야기없어~!!"그러면서전화를끈었죠~~!그랬더니전화가바로다시오더군요~~!!그러면서"오늘저녁때만나~~!!미안해짜기야~~!!내가사랑하는거알지?"그러는겁니다(솔직히남잔이래서안됩니다~!사랑하는사람이이렇게나오면마음약한분들은여기서무너집니다~~!!저두그랬죠~~!!)그날저녁때만나서술마시구그녀가제옆으로와서뽀뽀를해주고팔장을끼면서~~!!"미안해~!자~기야~~!!내가잘못했어그러는겁니다~~!!저는그냥화를풀었고~!!우린오늘도여관엘가서관계를맺고그녀를업고(저는업는걸좋아해서그녀를만난뒤한달쯤되던날부터지금까지쭈욱업고다녔습니다~~!!또안업어주면그녀가삐집니다~~!!그녀삐지면무섭습니다~~!!한달은가거든요~!!)집에까지바래다주었고회사에출근했습니다~~!!(만약~!저에게도다시여자친구가생기면쭈욱업고다닐생각입니다~~!!)그렇게어언2년이란시간이되어가면서군입대영장이나오더군요~~!!그것도어머니께서숨겨두시다가입대일주일전에보여주시더군요~~!!(남자분들그기분아시죠~~!!세상이다끝나는것만같은기분~~!!저는회사로가서사직서를제출하고~~!!그날저녁송별회를한후그다음날그녀를불러내서영장을보여주었죠~!!그랬더니그녀가말없이울더군요~!!!저는그녀에게"에이~~!!우리울보~!나없으면누가매일같이업어서집에까지배웅해주나?"그랬더니더우는겁니다~~!!목소리가점점커지더군요~~!!그래서진정하란의미에서한마디했죠~!!"야~~!!내가뭐~!죽으러가냐~~!!??100일뒤에휴가나오니까그때까지만기다리면되~!"했더니~~!이번엔그녀가~!"으아아~~!!나어떻게해~~!!"하면서소리내서우는겁니다~~!!그것도술집에서~!!(시선집중~~**윽~~!!)전잽사게그녀옆에앉아서꼬옥끌어안아주었죠~~!!그러면서저도울었죠~~!!"자기야~!사랑해~!!아주멋있는남자가되어서나올께"란약속을하구우린여관을가서마지막밤을보낸뒤에그녀를마지막으로업구집에배웅해준뒤에등을돌렸는데발이안떨어지구지금이렇게가면그녀와난아주끝날것같았습니다~~!!그렇게집에와서가족들과마지막시간을보내구입영하는날입니다~!전그녀에게전화했죠~~!!"자기야~!나이제출발한다~!잘지내구~~사랑해~~!!근데배웅안올거야?"그녀는말없이울더군요~~!!그렇게한20분쯤뒤에말을꺼내더군요~~!!"잘갔다와~~!!기다릴께~~!!내가거기가면쓰러저서못돌아올것같아~~!!~!사랑해~~!!"그러더군요~!!저는"알았어~~!그럼안녕"전화를끈고저는어머니와입영전철을노량진역에서타고고으정부306보충대로가기위해서의정부에서내려서~~!!입영버스(시내버스임/사실그런버스없음/)를타고입대를했습니다~~!!보충대에서3박을하구4일째쯤신병교육대로가서6주간훈련을받는데편지가오더군요~~!!많이보구싶다구사랑한다구~~!!그녀인겁니다~~!!저는신교대에서자대배치를받구자대로갔습니다6주뒤~~!!분위기가좀살벌한특공대였죠~!!수원에있는~~!!원래그러면안되는대저는몰래고참들몰래종이학을접기시작했습니다종이학500마리거북이300마리배조1마이중간에걸려서무지마졌거든요~!!저는그래도그녀를생각하며접었습니다~~!!자대배치를받구한달정도는편지가오더군요~~!!사랑한다구보구싶다구밤마다운다구~~!!저도답장을보내주었죠~~!!그런대2달째즘서부터연락이없고전화해도안받구편지보내도답장이없었습니다~~!저는당연히그녀가바뻐서그랬겠거니하구휴가만기다렸습니다~~!!그러던기다리던휴가날100일휴가~!!전그동안접어두었던걸몰래가지구나갔습니다~~!!그래서그녀의집앞으로향했죠그공안모아두월급을가지구(참고로이등병월급은9800원입니다)그녀의집앞에서그녀에게전화를했더니받더군요그런데말투가냉냉한겁니다~~!!"여보세요~~!!나야자기야~!!나~!휴가나왔어~~!"그랬더니"웬일이야~!휴가도보내주냐?나~!바쁘니까~!이따가전화해"그러는겁니다~~!!(사람한테는오감이있죠~!후각/미각/청각/시각/감각그리고하나를추가해육감이라구하죠~~!!)전화를근고저는"드디어올것이왔구나~!!?"란생각이들었죠~~!!인근커피숍에서~~!!@시간을보낸뒤에~!!다시전화를했더니30전에나갔다구하는겁니다~어머니께서~~!!그녀에게전화를했더니안받는겁니다~~!!한20번도넘게했습니다~~!!그녀의친구전화번호를알기에그녀의친구를불렀죠~~!!!같이차한잔마시며친구에게모든걸들었습니다~~!!다른남자가생겼다구~~!!그만그녀를잊어달라구 저 만힘들어진다구~~!!그이야기를들은저는그녀에게마지막메세지를남기고군부대로바로복귀했습니다~~!!종이학과거북이를또그안에종이한장한장마다사랑한다고쓰면서만든백조를하늘위로뿌리면서울면서부대로복귀했습니다~!!참고로이등병백일휴가는4박5일인데저는휴가나간날바로복귀를했죠~~!!죽고싶었습니다~~!!하지만신분이군인신분인지라그럴수도없습니다~~!!그렇게군생활을마치고2001년1월23일날제대를했고~~!!지금까지전쭈~~욱혼자로솔로로보내고있습니다~~!!다음달11월24이면그녀와헤어진지도6주년입니다~~!!1998년11월24일날입대를했으니까요~~!!저는그녀를우ㅣ해다주었는대그녀는마치저를비웃듯이떠나버렸죠~~!!저는그녀어머니에게군대제대해서결혼을하겠다구했더니반대를하더군요~~!!(자기딸이단란주점을다니는지도모르면서~!!저보고능력이없다면서~!!군대제대하면뭘먹고살겠냐면서~~!무시하시더군요~~!!여러분들은어떻게생각하시는지요~~!!여자들스킨쉽싫어한다구하는데그녀는아니거든요~!!인삼이야기하는거보면~~!!여자분들남자들욕하시는데~~!!제가봤을땐욕할것하나없습니다~~!!저는참고로그녀를만날때졌던빚으로인해신용불량자가되지는않았지만거의거기까지갈뻔했습니다~~!!100일150일챙기구그녀으어머니아버지생일까지다챙기며저는집에서는불효자가되어야했으니까요~~!!
그리구드라마에서나오는그런사랑은없습니다~~!!정신좀차리시죠~~!!제가이렇게당하고보니까느끼겠내요~~!!
**재미없는제글을끝까지읽어주셔서감사합니다~~!!***