God is always even-handed.     He gave me little happiness and He gave me heartrending agony.   ...Jesus Christ...   I just guess now. But...If it is true... I won't believe people anymore.     It won't  be true. It wont' be true. to say myself. But there is mortal fear inside of my heart.     Pain.... pressure heart then squeeze blood. feel a pain. It's too painful.   ...Na! I'm not hurted. Never!     ...Fuck..!! true... If it is true... ...Really...     I can't imagine how to do. the feeling that burn my head turning white.     Well...I try. Believe you. But....       Don't do that anymore. I'm not a stupid.