wow.. am i writing this..? I'm really insane. but.. this writing will absolutely not fly to US, and since I'm writing in English.. not many people will read this.. and moreover you will NEVER ever see this. 
just.. idk.. it's same another night as always.. miss you. It's been a year since you left me...and you know what is really shit? it's same. the moment you left me, and now. it's same. i miss you same. just now.. i can control my emotion a bit better, so that I don't cry right after got back to home.. but.. the degree of missing you.. shitty same. ahh one thing shittier is that I cannot sleep well after we broke up. without strong cognac or whiskey.. almost can't sleep. fun right? maybe that's why I'm writing this.. it's almost 3am here.  
Haa.. there are so many things that I want to tell you.. but don't know where to start... 
you.. the guy who I truly love for the first time, whom I thought the world best smart nice, whom I depend my everything, and.. who was really big part of my college life... that you... you just left me without single word. suddenly. 
I called you, sent kakao, text, email,,, you ignored everything totally cruelly. and.. a year from then. I sent email again in the hotel room at guam.. and you were same. I was totally ignored. haha how dare you freak. 
after you left me, I was in one way so angry and felt so shit..hence madly hung out, drank, did blind date ,, but non of them. nothing worked. and still now.. nothing work. 
after you left me,, since my every single crazy behavior didn't work, I just funing lock myself in the library and studied. always thought I will succeed, will become better than you at least Mr. harvard. 
someone said.. I was nothing to you. from the first.. for those 2 years, I was Nothing. from the first there was nothing like super sexy cute pretty yon. is it true? haha maybe. so that you could leave me like that. suddenly. without single word.  
but in one way..I just want to believe.. that at least I'm not "nothing" to you. at least you cancled flight and bought $1000 new ticket in order to stay with me one more night at finland. so i was at least worth 1000$ right? haha not nothing. something hehe  
how are you doing babo. my babo. super sexy smart sir. a few days ago, i saw your facebook upload. well exactly someone tagged you. you look good. as always.. look nice.. well mannered. 
I'm kinda shit. well actually Very shit. haha. though I pretend I'm funing so happy, upload pictures on the facebook which also pretend sooo happy. I'm literally Shit. the day after you left me, I don't know I'm happy. what the fun really. 
everyone says I was far prettier.. way much better for you to deserve. everyone says you were nothing except that shitty harvard thing. you are ugly. I'm funing pretty awesome body smart can flirt every guy. everyone says like that. 
But, to my eyes,, still you look so great so awesome insanely funing so perfect. though a year past. 
how's my Bulgary,, how's mama wang's scarf,, how's our couple calvin underwear.. and how's my shoes. you 100% threw them away right? asshole. you promised me to bring them to korea. shit liar..hahaa..
to me... every single memory with you is still pretty clear. two amazing summer at manhattan and boston.. amazing yonized summers ever. manhattan apartment with stinky first floor,, japadog,,japadog hotdog which I compared with your penis..boston apt which was a bit too large for just two of us.. moon wine night when we lied down on the road.. everything. very clear. and of course our funing. haha. ceaselessly everyday. crazily. you must erase all of them in your brain right? shit 
thanks to you..thanks to your that specially well edited harvard format resume.. I could work the best accounting firm, also could work at the best consulting firm. and now.. thanks to your amazingly funing shit very appropriate time "leaving", I could focus on my study career, just only my success. 
I'm officially becoming senior.. and I feel like i know what field I should head to, which stuff I should learn study for my career. I think.. it's really all thanks to you babo. and you graduated haha I know. I cried a lot around your graduation and your birthday. don't know why. I'm just idiot. 
but.. though I know what I need to do study excel.. the more I push myself.. the more i miss you. haha wtf. 
I know there will be No Miracle like thing to me in my life as always. especially with respect to you babo. so that even though I miserably want you.. think about you every single day since you left me, I know you will never contact me ever. and we will not meet ever.. I know.. 
soooo.. I'm a bit scared what if I cannot meet any guy who i can commit sincerely in my life again;; well actually not a bit. I'm scared a lot shit haha.. 
and.. I know as always, you will never see this and I know I will be ignored again.. But just want to tell you this babo. really thank you for being with me at my so many first time experiences including dongguh haha.. and thank you for letting me have the happiest two summers in my life..and thank you for giving me life time chance to purely love someone as a fully perfectly candid me myself... which will be impossible in my rest of life. 
and moreover.. though there's no way I can see what kind of job you get a job or not how you are doing whatever.. I hope if..if with less than 0.00000000000000000001% if we meet again in our life.. hope you are as great perfect awesome as that breakfast day at campus.. when I first crushed on you. 
i love you babo. though I don't know whether I still love you.. or love myself who once purely beatifully loved you... still.. even when I take a break out of library.. my walking road is that graduate dorm.. where you spent your first spring break.. where we had lovely funing and kiss. which is impossible in my school ever haha .. take care babo -yon 
ps. don't take it wrong or pity me freak dude. I am still funing prettier and hot body than that "don't give a shit to their appearance" american fat asses. and plus. every guy I did blind date after you left me, asked me to date againagainagain. but just I Refused. of course Not because of You. just because of my high standard and criteria. merong!