I don't know what writing this at 6 in the morning will do for me to help forget all the pain,

I'm gonna do it anyway. Not for anyone else, not just writing something so that other people can read it and give me sympathy, but just to express my feelings truthfully, and hopefully

hold on to what little sanity I have left in my head.. I have had the most hard time reconstructing the way I live my life when I was with her, and I don't deny it. However thoses times were one of the most amazing times I have had in my whole life, however short it may be

(although 20 years isn't really a very short time at all). I do regret giving up so easily and not try to hold her back a little bit at least.. But I know for certain that if I carried on this

shinanigan, the pain will never stop growing, and I knew that I was going to suffer ever more than before. I know I scared her too, I don't deny that either, but the only thing I want her to know is.. I was also very hurt.. and that pain is not of this earth.. (tbc)