My  wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and  I
kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat  alone at
a nearby table.
My wife asked, 'Do you know  her?'
'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she  took to
drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and  I hear she
hasn't been sober since.'
'My God!' says my wife,  'who would think a person could go on
celebrating that  long?'
And thats how the fight  started...


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I  took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took  my
order first.
"I'll have the T bone steak, medium rare,  please."
He said, "Aren't you worried about mad cow?""
I answered " she can order for herself."
And thats how the fight  started...

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My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She is not  happy with what she sees and says to me,
'I feel horrible;  I look old, fat and ugly.
I really need you to pay me a  compliment.'
I replied 'Your eyesight is so perfect my dear.'
And thats how the fight  started.....

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I  tried to talk my wife into buying a carton of Carlton Draught Beer for  $39.95.
Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.
I  told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold  cream.
And thats how the fight  started....

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My wife asked me if a certain dress made her bum look big. I told her
not  as much as the dress she wore yesterday
and thats how the fight  started.....

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I was asleep with my wife like two innocent babies.
Suddenly, at 3  o'clock in the morning, a loud noise came from outside.
The wife,  bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled 
'Holy  crap. That must be my husband!'
So I jumped out of the bed;  scared and naked jumped out the
window. I smashed myself on the  ground, ran through a thorn bush and
to my car as fast as I could  go.
A few minutes later I returned and went up to the bedroom  and
screamed at wife, 'I AM your husband!'
She quietly said, 'Oh Yeah?  then why were you running?'
And thats how the fight  started.....

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I asked  my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?"
It warmed  my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.
"Somewhere I  haven't been in a long time!" she said.
So I suggested, "How about  the kitchen?"
And that's how the fight started....

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My  wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we  were
in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have  sex?"
"No," she answered.
I then said, "Is that your final  answer?"
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying  "Yes."
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And that's  how the fight  started....
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